Tuesday, March 1, 2011

In response to Black Girl Singular's post

It was a very deep one, and I had to share it with you all. I honestly don't know where I would begin with my 16 year old self so I'll just stretch out the year 1998 since it was the end of my junior year and close to the end of 1998. Well here it goes my mini-discussion with myself:

I would definitely tell myself to stop being so serious when it comes to being accepted by others particularly those of the opposite sex. I didn't really have my 1st love, but my 1st actual relationship experience. That I would definitely have to stress to myself because I was so distraught when he and I broke up. She won't believe me, but I would definitely have to stress to her that he was just the stepping stone on that path to her soon to be husband. She would really tell me I was mad because she already knew she wasn't getting married because she just didn't see the purpose. She saw it as a business contract, have the big ceremony, have a couple of kids, and split on mutual terms. I would have to let her know that she was crazy because marriage/parenthood is the best thing in the world. That I thank God for blessing me with this crazy little girl who will be a crazy teenager just like me then. That she would agree on because she always knew we would have a girl. lol There will be heatbreaks along the way, especially with the death of her 1st true love, but that would pave the way for her to find the similar characteristics in our husband. She would probably still laugh at me, and tell me that would never happen but seeing is believing.

I would also push myself to find a way to convince my parents that I needed to figure out what I wanted to do, and that I didn't need to pick out a major as soon as I sent in my application. That regardless of anything they weren't going to turn their backs on me, and that they're looking out for my best interest. They'll be her biggest cheerleaders, and just want to shelter her from those who appear to have her in their prayers/well wishes/etc.. They know you'll be a great woman, but they want to make sure that everyone else knows that about you. It will take for you to become a parent to know that, and that the cycle will continue.

To always listen to that little voice in my head that something is wrong, and to RUN! Believe me it will have her out of many situations that she didn't need to be in her very near future.

Never date a man you met in the club. So, what if he was great... blah blah blah. Keep him as a great phone/hanging out buddy because most of the time they're about the talk, and what the talk gets them in return (did that one time and checked that off of the list). Tell her yeah the relationship lasted a good 6 months, but it was a good 6 months of a so-so relationship that you even stepped out of character. That's where I should have listened to my voice.

To let myself know that no matter how much you reach out to certain people and call them your friends they will hurt you and will not be in your corner. No matter how much I stood up for people, and mutual friends were dropping like flies I was the ride or die friend. That person who you wanted to make people like, eventually stabbed you in the back, side and heart on several occassions. To surround myself with positive people with goals in their lives. Speaking of friends, always listen to your male friends. You'll learn a lot from men on how they treat the women they really care about just by the way he talks about her. This is valuable when it comes to relationship advice because that's also how you figured out the signs that "He Was Just That Into You."

To ALWAYS have love for yourself, and to be comfortable in your own skin. The only way people will know that you are a force to be reckoned with is to "show" it. Instead of telling people what they want to hear, tell them what you can offer and how to make things better.
Sheesh that felt like a ramble, but that actually felt kind of good. The ball is in your court, what would current you tell 16 year old you? (if you're under 30 it's cool since I am technically lol)


Kiianah said...

Wow, this is very interesting. I would have to write a book for all the things I would tell myself at 16, but knowing her... I would have cursed her out and told her to mind her doggone business. Lol!

Divafied Mama said...

LOL I think that's the Johnson in you because I know 16 y/o me would have gotten a little buck with me especially on that first love comment. It took 21 y/o me to realize who my first love really was.

TheSavvySista said...

First let me just tell you thank you for reading my post and finding inspiration in it. I totally loved all the things you would have told your 16 year old self especially the point about picking a major in college. i wish I could go back in time and do the same for myself.

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